Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
