he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so let's talk penis.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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