this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just pee around me
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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