Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
