i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
