; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
im six kinds of drunk right now
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
