weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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