i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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