Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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