all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
