Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
