He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
