my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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