I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
