i don't like sucking hair
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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