i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I AM VODKA MAN
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
