my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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