everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
