There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
