I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
