Sponge bath it is.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
What drink are we having for lunch?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
