Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
