Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
