At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
