Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
