if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
