Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
this hospital has no fireball
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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