So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
