Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
