omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
bring money and cleavage
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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