i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
