Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
