I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
