i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
