So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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