Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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