This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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