I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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