After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
