"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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