Well apparently he's into motor boating.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
