I wish my penis had an off switch
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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