After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Everyone says I win the strip club
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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