I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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