I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
