The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
