if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
