I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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