I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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