kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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