There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize
